My name is Gabe and I'm in love. With a lovely lady named Betsy, my son Karl, his sibling in-the-works, Leroy or Rae depending on outie or inny, Roman espresso, slow-cooked cinghiale, the prose stylings of Padgett Powell, the cinema of the late, great Stanley K, Schlitz draught and syncopation at the Green Mill, watching the chemical sunset over Gary, Indiana on a chaise lounge in front of the Greyhound bus terminal, Chinese checkers and mole poblano. These are but a poo-poo platter.

But, every year from January through March, there is another love that takes hold of me and won't let go. It is my Brokeback Mountain, my Lolita, my private dancer. My sin, my soul, she is Big 10 hoops.

As a resident of Gotham, my Big 10 fixes are mostly virtual: print media, internet, TV. The best decision I've made since switching to organic peanut butter was subscribing to ESPN Full Court. No longer am I hostaged to the inferior brands of basketball being perpetrated in the Big East and the ACC. I get my Big 10 five nights a week. Glorious. I don't have to listen to Dick Vitale and Mike Patrick perform aural sex acts on the Duke Blue Devils. Praise Jobu. Instead I get a Steve Lavin, a Shon Morris, or a Mike Kelley, sports broadcasters who aren't mere show ponies and dilettantes, guys who actually know their subject matter and aren't getting all their intelligence from the AP wire and mob opinion. Testify.

Enough screed. On the eve of the Big Tens, here are a few takes on things past and to come:

1. Buckeyes: Heck of a season. Matta is a peerless motivator. A case study in getting college athletes to believe and overachieve. His kids played hard every night on both ends of the floor and won five roadies in a conference where the road was poison. The improvement in shooting with this team alone has earned Matta Coach of the Year. Dials, Foster, and Sullinger are everything I love about the Big 10. Guys who got better every year, and are reaping the benefits as seniors. I relish watching the Bucks ride a 2-seed in the Memphis bracket to an Elite 8 or better.

FYI, Oden is large and talented, but he won't lead the Bucks to the title in one year. And he's sure to bail after one in Columbus. So the key to this class are the other guys, Conley, Cook, Lighty. They are the future of the program and by the time they are sophs and juniors, watch out.

2. Illinois. Roy Williams coach of the year? Laughable. He gets nothing but McD All-Americans every year and we celebrate his team's overachievement? How about Bruce Weber? He loses Head, Williams, and Powell and the Illini have only five losses and finish runner-up in the toughest conference in the nation. Sure, he has blue chippers like Brown and Augustine, but what makes the Illini tick is what Weber gets out of his support personnel--McBride, Arnold, Randle, the frosh Smith and Frazier, Jack Ingram last year. And Weber's motion and team defense are so sound, so well coached. I see the Illini taking the B10 tournament this weekend and returning to Indy for the Final 4. They are peaking at the right time.

3. Iowa. Again, let's salute the seniors. Brunner, Horner, and Hanson had banner years. If you were to make a Big 10 prototype it would be Brunner. Under the radar recruit, tweener, not super athletic, but that kid has the heart of a lion and plays one of the craftiest, smartest, and most effective post games in the country. Watch Greg without the ball and enjoy the clinic. I will miss him. I’m not a huge Alford stalwart, but he did get his kids to play better defense than I’ve ever seen from an Iowa team and that, along with the seniors and Haluska, got it done. They will, as always, be tough in the BTT. I see them in the Sweet Sixteen, but no more.

Caveat Emptor Indiana—Do you really want Alford? Think hard about it.

4. Wisconsin. Bo Ryan is another of the conference’s coaching lions. And like Weber he will be here until he retires—so much more refreshing than carpetbaggers like Bill Self who are always pimping themselves for the next job or the NBA. The loss of Landry and Steimsma really impacted the Badger depth. Tucker is fabulous, but without another step-up scorer, you stop Alando, you stop the Badgers. Taylor and Butch have been inconsistent. Krabbenhoft is going to be very good, but he’s a frosh. Anyone miss Mike Wilkinson? I do and so does Bo Ryan. He gave the Badgers the inside/outside balance they are sorely missing this season. Nonetheless, do you want to play Wisconsin in the Dance? No. They are too well coached to ever overlook. And watch out for the Badgers next season. They should be conference favorites.

5. Indiana. After Davis’s hiatus a couple weeks ago, the Hoosiers are playing more inspired basketball. But, about that hiatus. Davis took a destination job at a state U where basketball is a religion. And he took a pooh on it. He has the audacity to badmouth the fans at IU? Blames them for having high expectations? Uh, Mike? You are the coach at Indiana University, a temple of the game, hollowed ground, and you have a state full of knowledgeable, passionate fans who love the game and love the way it has been played at IU for decades—at a very high level with great class and featuring some of the state’s finest schoolboys. In a lame effort to deflect criticism, you blame the fans? Shame on you and good riddance. Let’s get a coach to restore IU to its former glory. Remember when the Hoosiers ran onto the floor in those candystripes and it gave you goosebumps? Remember guys like Brian Evans, Matt Nover, Joe Hillman? Imagine a team with 10 Errek Suhr types picking, floor burning, making plays, hitting shots, playing like they gave a damn. Oh, right, that’s what Indiana before Davis was all about. Now it’s baggie shorts and woofing and players who underachieve. Sounds like the NBA you’ve been pining for all these years. Mike, you are an NBA assistant coach. That’s your destiny. Enjoy.

6. Michigan State. State is a wounded animal. Which is an animal you should give wide berth. Before anyone starts grave dancing on Izzo’s bunch, realize they played the toughest conference slate (all six of the top teams twice) and lost their biggest intangibles guy in Trannon during the key last weeks of the B10 race. Trannon did the dirty work that simply wins games, and he provided key depth for a team with a young bench. He was missed. While I am not bull on Neitzel, I am not going to assign too much blame to him either. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t he the starting point for their Final 4 team last year? I am quicker to criticize the leadership of the seniors, Davis and, especially, Ager. Both have been woefully inconsistent. You look at their key losses, Ager and Davis have simply not shown up as senior studs should. And it isn’t merely about scoring. It’s about leading by example, playing with the kind of sustained intensity that Izzo teams are all about—rebounding, defense, guts. Remember Kelvin Torbert’s toughness last year? That is what I mean by an Izzo senior leading by example. Ager and Davis have a few weeks to prove what I still believe. MSU is a Final 4 caliber team. Look for them to get loose in the bracket. Like a mustang.

7. Michigan. If Horton goes off or everyone else shoots 60%, the Wolverines can win games. Otherwise, count on them to play about ten levels beneath their talent, take horrible shots five seconds into the shot clock, and play bullfighter defense. Amaker is a mockery and I’m not talking about his turtlenecks. Even with the injuries and behavioral layoffs of this year and last, he has as much talent as any of the top teams in the conference. Give his bunch to Ed DeChellis and this team would be vying for a conference title. Under Tommy Boy they limp to .500. The Wolverines will backdoor the Dance and lose to a mid-major.

8. Penn State. Ed DeChellis is great coach. What he did with this squad is admirable. They never quit and won some huge games. I hope Happy Valley stays patient with him and gives him a chance. If he can continue to draw studs like Cornley and Claxton and find solid role players like Luber stateside, the Lions are going to continue to be a very tough out. This is an NIT squad that could make a run to MSG.

9. Northwestern. Carmody’s team isn’t good for the heart. No game is easy for his undermanned bunch, but by golly, most of their games, even against the conference heavies, come down to the last five minutes. The wins over Iowa and Wisky were something to behold. They had the Buckeyes on the ropes, but let it slip away. I think Carmody’s system is perfect for NU. It’s just a matter of bringing in higher quality talent. Craig Moore and Sterling Williams are the right direction. His class for next year is promising. Imagine NU with three or four good shooters on the floor at all times and a competent biggie. This year it was two shooters if they were lucky (Vukusic and Moore) and an incompetent biggie (Vince Scott) or no biggie at all. If David Booker, a schoolboy stud from Mississippi commits, look for NU to be a nice surprise next year.

The Cats need to beat Penn State to get an NIT nod. Can they do it? Yes they can. And I would love to see the Cats confound some teams in the NIT, maybe even pull off a little run.

10. Minny. Monson is a likeable guy and I’m generally favorable, but I don’t like the way he hands the keys to his program over to narcissistic ball hogs. First it was Kris Humphries, now its Grier. The team game suffers. Maybe Aaron Robinson was the distributor they sorely miss this year. Whatever the case, they still play very hard and if they get everybody involved, are difficult to put away. Look for them to upset Amaker tomorrow.

11. Purdue. The Boiler faithful should be optimistic. With Painter at the helm this program will rise like a phoenix from this momentary blip and will be a perennial contender for league crowns and the postseason. The Keady routine in other words. They will be top five in the league next year. Landry anybody?